Sequels…
I was organizing my documents today and I stumbled upon a word doc of a thread I had posted over two years ago on a facebook movie group (The one Cory started). I read it an laughed so I thought I would repost it somewhere more open. I wish I would have done more but here it is unchanged.
“Okay, so I am watching TV the other day and I am perplexed by this commercial for Cinderella 3, yes 3, I didn’t even know there was a Cinderella 2. In all honesty I have never seen the first one but we all know it is a classic, so why does Disney choose to ruin such wonderful childhood memories. Well maybe they are trying to create inferior childhood memories for today’s adolescents. So in order to investigate this I asked my little brother if he had any Disney sequels, little did I know he had nearly all of them. I compiled a list of all the sequels that I could find both in my house and online, in order to prove that for the most part Disney is a whoremongering worthless industry.
The Rescuers Down Under (1990) – First was better, but not too bad.
The Return Of Jafar (1994) – This movie was quickly returned to the shelf.
Aladdin & The King Of Thieves (1996) – Thieves alright, Disney defiantly stole an hour and a half of my time and 15 bucks from my parents wallets.
Beauty & The Beast: The Enchanted Christmas (1997)
Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World (1998) – The first one was probably made because some Disney executive lost a lot of money on a Indian Gambling Resort and managed to bargain is debt by making such a historically inaccurate film.
The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride (1998) – “Simba, remember who you are”, then quickly forget when it’s easy to line your pockets with the money of the parents of snotty-nosed brats.
Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998) – Actually the cowboys replaced field goal kicker Mike Vanderjaght with Air Bud after the 2006-07 season.
Beauty And The Beast - Belle’s Magical World (1998)
Toy Story 2 (1999) – I have to admit not a terrible movie, but ever since Pixar sold out to Disney there hasn’t been much hope for these types of movies.
Fantasia 2000 (2000) - Are today’s stoners so out of touch with history that we had to do this again?
An Extremely Goofy Movie (2000) – Like totally killer man, if they made more of these and stacked them on top of each other it would be like the leaning tower of crapppyyy moviiies man. *my best typed imitation of Polly Shore*
102 Dalmatians (2000)
The Little Mermaid II: Return To The Sea (2000)
Air Bud: World Pup (2000) – Again still a better athlete than Mike Vanderjaght.
Lady & The Tramp II: Scamps Adventure (2001)
Return To Never Land (2002) – When they named this movie did they have an inside joke with Michael Jackson to scare the piss out of those poor kids every time they heard it’s title.
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (2002)
The Hunchback Of Notre Dame II (2002) – I hear they might make a third live-action one, Rosie O’Donnell.
Tarzan & Jane (2002)
Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002) – Still better than Vanderjaght.
The Santa Clause 2 - The Mrs. Clause (2002) – Santa died in the first one, it should of stayed that way.
101 Dalmatians II: Patch’s London Adventure (2003) –Not to be confused with 102 Dalmatians, this one is animated.
The Jungle Book 2 (2003) – We thought all we needed was the bear necessities, but I guess that includes more than one of these movies.
Atlantis: Milo’s Return (2003) This movie should of stayed hidden.
Stitch! The Movie (2003)
Inspector Gadget 2 (2003) – GO GO … Away
Air Bud: Spikes Back (2003) – No dogs can’t play volleyball, they don’t have opposable thumbs to bump(is that the word) the ball, it is a fact of life.
George Of The Jungle 2 (2003) – What happened to Brendan Frazier?
The Lion King 1½ (2004) – I didn’t even know ½ in a movie was possible
Mulan II (2005) – Didn’t we learn enough about Asian people in the first one
Tarzan II (2005) - This was better when it was called the Jungle Book
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has A Glitch (2005)
Air Buddies (2006)
Kronk’s New Groove (2006)
Bambi II (2006) – Who gets shot in this one?
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006) –I hope Tim Allen pulled out all the stocks for this one and changed the tradition al ho ho ho, to the classic Home Improvement “Arh a arh a arh”.
Fox and the Hound II (2006) – The original was my favorite Disney movie, besides Aladdin that is.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) - This is by far Disney’s biggest grossing movie ever, but it still sucks. If you like this movie you either: a girl or you like movies where people turn into fish creatures, and have no real plot other than to provide another sequel. *this movie deserves its own thread to discuss how crappy it is*
Things in the works: Peter Pan III (2008), The Jungle Book 3 (2008), The Little Mermaid III (2008), and Sleeping Beauty II (2008?)
Here are some videos that totally express my sentiments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhChm-C2o5E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMxmAaxBRBQ
Now I came up with this list with about 30 minutes of googling and looking at my brother’s movie closet for a few minutes. And keep in mind most of these went straight to VHS, mostly because they would never make it on the big screen, and its a lot easier to stick them into the Disney vault. If you guys can add more or show me reasons why Disney isn’t totally worthless, then be my guest (no pun intended).”
